The Moment Between Waking up and Falling
by Room105
Summary: The tables are turned. Misa is given the chance to do what she's always wanted and "save" Usui. The odds are not in her favor when she means nothing to him now.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N**: Credits to Patricia for the research and ideas && Imman for the illustrations (which are going up on my blog). :D The events in the story begins sometime late April, assuming that Usui hasn't transferred to Miyabigaoka yet.

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Kaichou wa Maid-sama, or any of the characters. **Even if sometimes I like to pretend that I do. :D

**CHAPTER 1**

The smell of antiseptic heavily bathed the white walls as white coats rustled in and out of the room, armed with clipboards, taking careful calibrated measurements amidst a pile of medical tubes coiled like snakes, burrowed deep in every orifice and then some, lifelines they were called.

People spoke in hushed and whispered voices drowned out by the monotonous beeping of the ECG machine. It's mechanical rhythm filling the air with the assurance that all was well and stable...for now.

No one dared to say more than they should. No one spoke out of turn. Everything was well thought of and calculated. No one broke the silence without cause.

"It might take a while"

"We can never be sure how long these things last."

"I asked how long!"

"...Could be a few days, weeks, years."

"Will he get better?"

"We can give no assurance as of the moment. The only thing we can do is wait it out."

The days passed and nothing changed. Tubes were taken out only to be replaced or switched back and forth from place to place. When he was deemed stable, the beeping no longer filled the room as the ECG was wheeled out and a thick and heavy silence filled the room with it's white walls and anti-septic and there was nothing left to do but wait.

Despite being covered in bandages, his blonde hair looked like a happy ray of sunshine amidst the whiteness of the room and the whiteness of the walls and the silence that surrounded him.

He drifted in and out of consciousness from the steady drip of morphine that slithered through his veins drop by drop taking away his pain by rewarding him with fits of vivid and violently colorful dreams. During the rare moments he was free from the seductive clutches of morphine, all he could hear were snatches of conversations, like glimmers and shards of glass that pierced through the veil of his consciousness barely registering as anything halfway coherent.

"What should we tell him about his accident Gerrard-sama?"

"Nothing."

"When he asks, what.."

"He got hit by a car when he was crossing the street."

"What about.."

"That's all that happened. That's all he needs to know."

"What about..."

He found that the squeaky wheels of medicine carts brought in by the nurses were a welcome change from the silence and the beeping and the disembodied voices that always seemed to sneak into the cracks of his mind and drip into his consciousness leaving him confused.

"We're pulling out the morphine and prescribing intravenous analgesics instead. He should be able to wake up then. He's recovery is faster than what we expected and all his major organs are functioning well. There's just THAT left, and the sooner he wakes, the faster we can check and see what we can do."

"What CAN you do about it?"

"Well, we'll have to run some tests first... and see where those take us. It all depends on the results, but everything appears to be normal. After all the accident..."

It felt like he was floating. It bothered him that he couldn't piece anything together. It bothered him that the times when he was not elsewhere, in the dark of his being, he was floating in limbo, hearing things that may or may not be real. It bothered him that there was a familiarity to the voices but he couldn't place most of them. What bothered him the most, was that he could always hear someone crying faintly in the background.

On the 12th day, he opened his eyes.

He could still feel the acute pain of moving around in bed so he decided against it. Barely on pain relievers, he could feel every bump and bruise on his body. The light was a change from the comfort of darkness and though his eyes hurt initially, they adjusted eventually.

"Hello there! It's nice to see you're finally up. We were very worried about you. But we're glad you're okay. The doctors here are the best at what they do. You were in very capable hands but I wasn't satisfied until we got here and brought in my personal medical staff."

"Gerrard? Is that you?" Usui said as he flinched from the pain of moving his muscles as he tried to sit up.

"Yup. I'm glad you remember me. Do you know who I'm with?" Gerrard said, motioning gently to the person standing next to him.

"Cedric?" Usui said uncertainly as he eyed Gerrard's bodyguard standing in the shadows.

"Right again. How are you feeling?" Gerrard asked as he pressed one of the buttons on a panel next to the bed.

Usui winced in reply as he adjusted himself. He was still slightly nauseous and his head was spinning.

"You don't want to push yourself too much. Your conditions is still rather...delicate." Gerrard said as he walked closer to the bed. "It was a rather unfortunate accident." Gerrard continued as he glanced at Cedric.

"What happened to me? How long have I been like this?" Usui asked, struggling with the pain and the sudden vertigo. He felt the room spinning but decided to stay sitting. He looked at his body and saw the bandages that covered most of his extremities.

"You were running while crossing the street when you got hit by a car. You've been in a semi-coma for 11 days."

"Why was I running?"

"Beats me." Gerrard said with a shrug as he settled into a seat next to Usui's bed. "What matters is you're alright. You don't feel...different do you? Besides the pain I mean."

"I feel..." Usui stopped mid sentence as the door to his room flew open and banged against the wall.

It was a girl. She had long black hair and bright brown eyes. What captured him the most were her eyes. Despite the circles under them indicating lack of sleep, they were a warm shade of brown not unlike liquid honey. She ran towards him, her eyes filled with tears and her cheeks were a shade of red from blushing. Cedric made a move toward her but Gerrard shook his head and smiled towards his half-brother instead waiting to see what reaction her arrival ellicited.

"I..I'm sso s-s-so-sorry Usui" She said stammering from her nervousness as she blushed an ever darker shade of red. In her hands were a pack of bunny apples. She handed them to him tentatively, the tears threatening to spill over. He gently took the pack from her trembling hands only to be surprised as she wrapped her arms around him and he let out a squeak of pain as her arms tightened around him, he winced and patted her back, bearing the pain and the confusion.

Cedric got up from his seat, ready to take action, but again Gerrard motioned for him to stay where he was, his face amused.

"Look what I've gotten you into. Baka-Usui. Stop scaring me like that!" She said as she leaned away and looked into his face, her cheeks a beautiful scarlet which he found deeply amusing for some reason. He gently pried her arms off him and registered her confusion that matched his.

"Thank you very much." he said as he placed the bunny apples on his side table, "You are very kind to bring this for me"

..but I'm sorry, who are you?" he finished with a smile.


	2. Chapter 2

Credits to Patricia for the ideas and research && Imman for the art (coming out on my blog). :D

**Chapter 2**:

Misaki walked to Seika High that morning with an unusually heavy heart and even heavier eyelids from her lack of sleep. She had been visiting the hospital everyday since the accident. She took every chance she got even if it meant a decline in her health. She sluggishly took one step after another knowing and anticipating his return to school. She stopped visiting him after the doctor talked to her that day. She sighed and stopped a moment when she remembered the last day she was in his hospital room.

For some reason, she couldn't get over the shock of what happened. He was sitting in bed and looked a whole deal better than when she last saw him. She remembered seeing him wrapped in bandages days before, and hearing the difficulty that came with each labored breath. She saw how he winced even during his morphine dreams. She would hear him gasp at night from some unknown pain or some nightmare he couldn't wake up from. She never cried so much her entire life. Not even when her father...

That day, she ran to him without thinking. She planned on staying calm. She knew what he had gone through...and it was all because of her. But she didn't, or rather she couldn't. It felt natural. It was instinct. She wasn't sure what it was but it felt right.

Misaki continued walking towards school. Her bag felt unusually heavy and she was filled with the desire to turn back and stay home. She allowed her mind to drift to Usui once more.

She remembered feeling his warmth and how despite the pain she caused he took the time to pat her back before he pushed her back. She remembered noticing how he registered her shock, her confusion and somehow she realized he felt the same way. He didn't recognize her. She thought he was just teasing her. She waited for the moment to pass but they were both staring at each other politely waiting for the other to offer some sort of explanation and provide some sort of clarity.

She remembered how the doctor walked in just in time. She stood there, frozen, not knowing what to say. Even the tears had stopped. She just stood there and all the while, his green eyes were staring at her, boring a hole into her, piercing her, trying to find some vague sense of recognition but seeing none. His smile remained on his face, warm and encouraging.

"Good morning! I'm glad you've finally woken up. What do we have here? A friend?" the doctor had said breaking the silence. Gerrard beamed at the doctor who took this as his cue.

The doctor held Misaki gently by her shoulders and slowly ushered her outside all the while saying "Are you one of his friends? Well, it's good you're visiting him but he's in a very delicate state right now, and hospital policy restricted visiting rights to family only. Say goodbye to your friend now. You can talk more to him next time." He said a smile plastered on his face, his voice calm and reassuring, exuding confidence.

She had waved goodbye as she walked slowly out the door and caught him waving back enthusiastically with a smile on his face. "Wait!" he had said.

The doctor froze halfway out the door as she looked up at Usui hoping...

"What's your name?" he had asked.

"My name? My name..." she was too flustered to remember her own name. She could feel her cheeks heating up and she knew she was blushing. "He didn't even know my name" she thought to herself.

"Misaki Ayuzawa" Cedric said, smiling lightly. "She's your schoolmate. She goes to Seika High with you, she's also the Student Council President" he added.

"I see" He had said, "thank you for coming then kaichou!" he beamed at her. The last thing she saw was his smile.

Outside the room, the doctor had taken her aside but before he could say anything Cedric came out of the room and asked to speak to him for a moment before returning inside.

"That was close. You shouldn't have been there in the first place. We don't want his condition to worsen. We had a feeling it would be selective, we just didn't know to what extent. Further tests will be done so we can map the damage and see if it's temporary and probably come up with a time frame. It's too early to worry about anything, the good thing is that he's awake and he remembers what matters."

"What matters..." she had said to herself. "What happened to him?" she asked.

"He was injured pretty badly because of the accident. He has something called Traumatic Amnesia because of the concussion he sustained from hitting his head somewhere, most likely on the pavement when he fell."

"Will he ever remember everything?"

"Who knows? These cases vary from person to person and depend on the extent of the injury."

She didn't have anything else to say. There were a million questions but the only thing on her mind was his face when he asked her who she was.

"I must advise you though, not to return during the remainder of his stay in the hospital. He may be discharged soon depending on his test results, but rules are rules. Oh, and The Walker family requested that he not receive visitors other than family members. I'm sorry."

Misaki arrived in school just in time to see Usui standing wayward in the middle of a crowd of students. He was smiling at random people and she saw how lost he was, not knowing what to do next yet how eager he was to try. She saw how difficult it would be for him without her because of how he intimidated the entire student body. She walked to him slowly, unsure of herself but

"_I've made a resolve. I will help him remember. NO! I will MAKE him remember. I'll do anything it takes. I will not give up because if the tables were turned, if I were in his place right now, he'd do the exact same thing. He wouldn't give up on me. He wouldn't give up on us" _ She said to herself.

"Oy! Usui! Come with me." she said loudly as she pulled him by the scruff of his collar into the building.

"Thank you very much Ms. Ayuzawa." He said grinning at her and looking around at the eyes that followed them up into the building.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: ****Credits to my cousin who's also on ( check out her work, her username is _le mushroom cloud_. she does really great one shots) for the ideas and research and to Imman for the illustrations coming out on my blog. **

**Ohyeah, a few things**

**1. **** I skimmed through the last 2 chapters and noticed a lot of typographical errors that made it look like bad grammar. Please try to pretend they aren't there. ****2. ****I've been getting messages about Usui being OOC, well, that's kind of the point. ****3. ****A lot of people have been telling me about another fanfiction entitled "When Worst Nightmares are Realized", I read it after I finished the storyline for this fanfiction and there was nothing I wanted to change in mine, so if there are similarities, they are purely coincidental considering I was already done with a few chapters when I read it. ****4. ****I update every couple of weeks when my internet is not throwing a tantrum. **

**Enjoy ~**

**Chapter 3:**

"Is it true?"

"We can't say for sure but.."

"I heard the Prez brought him to his room but that doesn't mean.."

"Couldn't they do anything..."

"I heard he was really happy today, Hina-chan told me about it. They're from the same class.. he talked to"

"She must still be in shock, poor girl, if it were me, I wouldn't know what I'd do."

"But that means he's fair game doesn't it?"

"Did Usui really..."

"I heard it was because he wrestled a bear?"

"Stupid, it wasn't a bear, I heard it was a 10 wheeler truck and it came from nowhere, it's a miracle he survived something like that, leave it up to him to do the impossible."

"What about the prez? How is she?"

"Who cares about them, this is a good chance.."

"Is that a dirty magazine?"

She could hear the voices no matter where she went. The rumors about Usui's accident were everywhere. She lumbered into the Student Council Office where the officers were equally hyped with the news.

"Is it really true kaichou?" Yukimura asked her, his eyes nearly tearing up.

"We heard about it.."

"Yeah, are you okay Pres?"

"Is there anything we can do.."

Misaki's patience was wearing thin. All she could hear was the endless droning of questions and the staff squabbling like little boys while Yukimura cried in a corner. She wanted the buzzing in her head to stop and she felt she would break at any moment. She had a lot on her plate and she needed people to stay calm and collected so she could think clearly, instead of this...

The members of the student council were all worried. It wasn't like he was part of the student council anyway, it was just that they had grown accustomed to his presence and it was always welcome. They had always noticed that whenever he was there, the president was always in a better mood whenever he was around, and more importantly, even if Ayuzawa was the demon president, they were worried about her.

"Listen everyone." she said loudly, the fire in her eyes as she scanned the room. "what you have heard is true. Because of an unfortunate accident, Usui lost his memory."

The room gave a collective gasp. Panic would have been an understatement. Yukimura began sobbing in the corner, while Kanou did his best to soothe him.

"How much of it did he lose?" Kanou asked quietly and everyone waited with bated breath for the president to answer them. She looked Kanou squarely and she raised a fisted hand in frustration.

"Most of it. He only remembers his family and not even everything about them..."

Before anyone could begin to say anything else, Misaki raised her hands up to signal for silence, only Yukimura's sobbing could be heard throughout the room, coming up in numerous heaves while Kanou gently patted his back

"But that doesn't mean we should give up right? As members of the student council, we should all do our best to help our fellow students who are in need. We shouldn't give up on him. Squabbling like this, (or even crying in a corner) will do nothing and it is my intention to help him restore his memories of Seika High. I will not allow him to forget about us so easily. I will need everyone's help to achieve this."

With this, everyone had stood up, their eyes sparkling with admiration at the tenacity and determination of their president. They were inspired by her speech, nodding their heads in affirmation as they saw their president's burning passion. Yukimura had crept out of the corner to take his place next to the president, smiling full tilt now that he was filled with the president's reassurance.

"What do you plan to do?" Kanou had said amidst the joyous laughter, always the voice of reason.

Yukimura listened attentively, waiting for instructions. In his opinion, there had been no greater partnership than that of Usui's and Misa's. he felt obligated to help the two of them in any way he could. "I'm prepared to do whatever it takes kaichou."

As it turned out, so was everybody else.

"I...I..."

"I don't know." She said, barely a whisper as she slumped into her chair, her hands on her forehead. "I don't know what to do."

Misaki found herself in the Student Council Room with the Council members, bathed in silence for the very first time since she became president.

"Tch" she muttered to herself. "_I want to help him but I don't even know how_"

She messed up her hair in frustration and grumbled to herself while the rest of the council members attempted to do their jobs properly, knowing she was in a foul mood. Just as she was on the verge of pulling her hair out, she saw him in her peripheral vision, walking past the door and for the briefest second, he looked in and gave her a small smile. That was all it took.

Misaki stood up suddenly, flustering the boys in the room. All eyes were on her.

"Yosh! This is what we'll do..." she had said, a glint in her eye.

Sakura and Shizuko were happy to oblige with her request. They were as eager to help as the council members. She had handed them a brown, cardboard box and had given them instructions after she had explained to them what she was planning on doing about Usui.

"So it really is true." Sakura had said, her eyes beginning to water.

"What do you mean?" Misaki had asked her, slightly confused.

"Well, we had heard the rumors," Shuzuko began, "but we didn't believe any of them because we wanted to hear it from you. I guess..."

"This is terrible!" Sakura had wailed, interrupting Shizuko's explanation. She threw her arms around Misa and began to sob. "We were hoping it wasn't true. Everything was going so well, the two of you had just gotten together and now THIS happened. Everybody seems to think…" but she never got to finish her sentence because Misa had surprised her by patting her head.

"Neh. Neh. It's alright. Everything is going to be fine. So don't worry, okay?" Misa had said, as she smiled down at Sakura who looked genuinely surprised as her pink eyes widened slowly at the show of affection.

Misaki had left them after Shizuko promised to keep Sakura in line. "You guys have until the end of the month okay? I'm counting on you guys. Ganbatte!" she had said as she walked away.

The two girls had watched her leave before Shizuko began glaring at Sakura.

"I told you, you need to be more sensitive!" Shizuko had said, angry that Sakura had once again let her emotions take control, losing whatever vague sense of rationality she had left in her.

"I'm sorry!" Sakura had whined. "It breaks my heart to see her like that."

"So what am I? Heartless? Of course I hate seeing her like that, but you have to be more sensitive! You have to watch what you say. You can't keep going around talking without thinking, what do you think she feels now that you've said…"

They had both agreed to do their best and they had no plans of failing her, after all, she was their friend. They were worried about her. They knew she was the kind of person who tried to take the whole world head on by herself. Usui had been a welcome change. They had known, even before she had, that she was falling for him and that it was only a matter of time.

Misaki had found Usui by his locker, skimming through a pile of love letters looking mildly amused. She felt herself slowly losing her cool as she watched him go through each letter, equally absorbed and fascinated at the number of confessions and ardent admirers.

*_ahem* _

"Usui." She had said, as she stood a good distance away from him. She was angry with herself for feeling awkward and even angrier at the fact that she could feel her confidence slowly being washed away with the tide of each minute she stood there. She could feel her heart racing as his gaze lowered to meet hers and he gave her a small smile. His eyes an unreadable sea of green.

"Hello Prez. I don't think I was able to thank you for this morning. Admittedly, I was looking for you when I got here. I was glad you'd seen me in the crowd." He said, looking quite thoughtful as he placed the letters in his bag.

"Yy-you were?" Misaki had stammered in reply, losing her train of thought. She had not seen that coming, therefore she was unprepared for it. She had come to see him with a list of possibilities in mind so she felt she was prepared for anything he might have to say. That was before all this. She felt her heart pounding, as if trying to break free from the cages of her ribs, trying to fly out to him. She was filled with so much longing, his proximity made her head spin.

"Yes I was." He said as he closed he changed his shoes and closed his locker. "I was hoping I'd see you and I even asked a couple of students if they'd seen you come in. I was glad when they said you weren't there yet. You see, because of the accident, I don't know anyone except for you, since you came to visit me so I was hoping I'd see you. I was lucky I did." He had said after he ran his hands through his hair.

_"Oh." _ She thought to herself, disappointed. She had not allowed herself to hope, but there she was, disappointed. _"I really am stupid."_

"Was there anything you wanted to discuss with me?" he asked her, as he stood there, a witness of her internal turmoil, eager to free himself of the painfully awkward silence between them.

"Oh yes. Well about that. The student council has come to a unanimous agreement that we would assist you in trying to regain some of the memory you lost in behalf of Seika High's student body." She had said curtly.

"It's not that we have nothing better to do, in fact, we have a lot to do, but then we all agreed that we couldn't leave you like this without trying to do our best to help you because…" she had added in a rush gauging his reaction from his silence.

"You would do that for me?" Usui had asked, slightly smug.

"Well, you were always seen as a sort of asset to the school. All the guys looked up to you, in one way or another." She had muttered under her breath.

"I see." He replied, smiling at her as he continued to walk away.

Misaki's head was bowed, her eyes barely seen as her hands balled into fists. She had to remind herself repeatedly, to curb her temper because this was not Usui. This was an empty shell, clean of the layers of memory. A pale substitute.

"Do you accept?" She asked, her teeth clenched, their backs facing each other as he made his way to leave.

"Thank you for going through all this trouble for me. I appreciate the gesture and will gladly accept your offer since you insist. I am truly touched by your kindness, A-yu-za-wa kai-chou" he had said before he continued to walk away.

The only thing Misaki registered was the coldness of his voice and how it sent shivers down her spine.

Neither one of them looked back.


	4. Chapter 4

**3.1**

46 hours without sleep and counting.

She had spent the rest of her nights strategically preparing her plans. She had an arsenal of ideas but had no idea how to translate them into real life scenarios. Everything that had transpired between her and Usui always felt…unreal. They always felt like the stuff that came out of shoujou mangas. Every moment they had shared was like a dream. Nothing substantial or objectively valid, but that did not mean they didn't happen.

"_We could all use a steady dose of insanity from time to time" _something Usui would most likely say, she thought to herself.

* * *

**Plan #1:**

"Look into my eyes" Kanou had said as he came face to face with Usui. He had no idea why Misaki had asked him to do this when it hadn't worked the first time but she had wanted to give it a try nonetheless and he didn't have the guts to turn her down. Apparently, hypnosis only works when you believe in the practice and the capability of the hypnotizer. She had been banking on the idea that if Usui lost his memories, his belief system might have changed giving the occult more leverage over reality.

She was hoping that Kanou might be able to draw whatever he could from the memories buried in Usui's subconsciousness. She was actually banking on the fact that his brain was weaker than it should be considering his current state.

"Look into my eyes" Kanou had said his voice level. Truth be told, he had no doubt this was not going to work, but he was hoping the reenactment of the situation would stir something in Usui. It was difficult for him to work under these circumstances. He sighed to himself. After all, he could feel Misaki's gaze on his back and the air was thick with her wishful thinking. He felt like he would suffocate from hope.

Usui had tried his best not to laugh. He was sure this was a joke. When Ayuzawa had introduced him to Kanou, he had expected something more…realistic. Apparently, Kanou had tried to hypnotize him before but it hadn't worked on him. He doubted it would work on him now but looking at the determination on Ayuzawa's face, he had decided to humor them.

"You will remember everything that happened before the accident." Kanou had said, his voice confident yet calm and reassuring, while his hands drew his bangs away from his eyes.

"Did it work?" Misaki had asked eagerly from behind.

It took over 30 minutes for Usui to stop laughing. "I'm sorry." He had said in between chuckles. "I'm really sorry, but you both look so serious. Did you.." *laughter* "did you…" *laughter* "Did you….honestly think it would work?" he had said wiping the tears from his eyes.

Kanou smiled thinly as he walked away not wanting to face Misaki's anger and disappointment. "It worked on her." He had said as he left, slipping on his hood as he pointed at Misaki's direction.

Usui turned his gaze towards Misaki, waiting for an explanation, to which she would supply none, other than a shrug.

* * *

**Plan #2:**

"Here, have some."

"No thank you."

"What?" _"Why you…"_

"I'm not a fan. Sorry."

"I insist."

"And I refuse."

Usui began walking away, a smirk on his lips.

"Oy! Usui!" she had said, beginning to grow annoyed at his stubbornness.

"Wha..?" he had said suddenly turning around to look at her when she suddenly caught his cheeks between her fingers, forcing his mouth open as she crammed a rice ball into his mouth.

"I said," she said as she locked his head under her arms" "I insist. You simply must try some." She continued as she crammed 2 more rice balls into his mouth while Usui flailed his arms in desperation, gagging loudly.

When she finally released him, she handed him a bowl, "Here, drown it down with some porridge." she said smiling sweetly as she forced the bowl against his lips, tilting it back allowing some of the porridge to spill down the sides of his mouth, leaving a slick, sticky trail of sludge. Usui, who was caught off guard, was left with no choice but to swallow the contents of his mouth.

Every single time he thought about it that day, he could feel his stomach churning and he could feel his face take on a slightly greenish tinge before he had to excuse himself to go to the men's room. He had spent the rest of the day getting to know the toilet intimately, singing it songs of praise from his stomach, his hands caressing the rim like a careful lover, as he heaved one technicolor yawn after another.

"_Damn her. Damn her to hell!" _he thought to himself as he washed his face, only to feel the familiar gurgling sounds of his stomach as he resignedly, walked back into the cubicle.

* * *

**Plan #3:**

"It doesn't work that way!"

"Then I concede." He had said with a mock bow. His fingers, long and slender, curled tightly around the edge of the door, which he quietly slid closed. She caught a glimpse of his back against the frosted glass slit of the door and watched it fade into the distance.

She was thankful he came when she invited him. She had watched him lazily drag a chair up to her table as he gracefully sat in it, front-ways back. He had tilted it ever so slightly so it leaned against the table. A loud thud interrupted the silence of the room as he dropped his bag on the floor.

The room had begun to glow a faint orange. She watched the hazy afternoon light creep into the room like melting sugar, casting long willowy shadows that danced against the walls. Piled around them were stacks of forms, reports, and confiscated dirty magazines, all unsightly indications of work left unfinished.

Her eyes lingered on his head, where a blush of light was caressing his blonde hair creating a faint halo of golden light that seemed to radiate all around him, surrounding him in warm embrace. She sat quietly, mesmerized by the calm stillness of his face and the languid pools of his eyes that always seemed to drown her in their intensity, drawing her in like feathery wisps of whispers from a snake charmers flute, slithering into her veins, crawling under her skin. Disturbing her.

Her gaze wandered to his slender fingers, like candles, cradling his cheek, his delicate wrists carelessly graceful, as his elbows rested on the flat surface of her table.

She allowed herself a moment to look at his profile. She permitted herself this small extravagance.

The dips and curves of his body, the rise and falls of the hills of muscles and sinews that were sculpted perfectly around his figure, molding him into whatever god he was now. It was like breathing him in. Every fragmented detail, she drank in with her eyes.

She could feel his gaze, smoldering, burning, before she realized he had been drumming tiny staccatos with his fingers in impatience. He let out a sigh before he smiled at her.

"A-yu-za-wa kaichou." He had said, his eyes gleaming with mischief as he leaned towards her.

Misaki drew random sheets of paper from different stacks as she began to work. In the end, he hadn't even wanted to try. She blushed furiously, realizing she had once again made a fool of herself. She couldn't quite fathom him. He was blurring at the edges, slowly becoming incomprehensible to her.

She rested her head on the table, angry with him and with herself, as she slowly opened her drawer and carefully put back a new stack of playing cards and an unopened pack of Poky back inside, their exchange playing in her mind like a jammed button set on replay.

_"Why not?" _she had asked him when he had refused her.

_"Because there are no merits."_

"Merits eh?" Misaki said to herself as the drawer closed with a faint click.

* * *

**Plan #4: **

Misaki had invited Usui to the Student Council Room. She had explained to him, that he used to spend his free time loitering and that spending time there, might awaken some of his memories.

He was eager to please and he found himself spending most of his days in the room realizing he was not needed there and that his presence loomed over everyone else like the black shadow of social awkwardness. They had gone out of their way to try and make him feel welcome there but he knew he shouldn't be there in the first place since he had nothing to do with the student government. He had asked Misaki more than once, why he went there at all if he was not needed and was not part of the organization in the first place. All she could do was shrug, "Damned if I know!" she had muttered under her breath every time he asked.

However, deep inside, she had known why he was there nearly every day. It was because of her.

Usui was leaning on the president's table, amiably talking to Kanou while Misaki stood beside him deep in thought.

"Tasukete kudasai!" they heard someone scream from outside the room.

"Do you want to help or not?" someone asked gruffly.

Usui straightened up and adjusted his tie. "What's going on?" he asked, turning to Misaki who just shrugged in reply, fatigue obviously starting to kick in as her expression blanked into one of opaque listlessness and indifference. Kanou began fidgeting with the strings on his hoodie, avoiding eye contact.

"O-onegai!" the voice pleaded, trembling slightly as it raised an octave and came close to a shrill.

The door slid open as Yukimura was pushed into the room, held on either side by 2 other members of the council. His face was flushed scarlet as tears threatened to spill over. He frantically looked around for someone to show any sign of mercy. Sadly, he found none.

He was in the men's room before all this had happened. Two of the other council members had suddenly come out from nowhere and grabbed him, had pinned his arms to his side and had dragged him to the Student Council Office.

"What's going on?" he had asked nearly hysterical with worry.

He was being yanked towards the president's table as he tried to pull away, fighting every step he was forced to take, panic-stricken, like an animal cornered. His gaze wandered to Kanou whose eyes were averted and was looking the other way as if nothing was happening.

"Kanou-kun!" he had called out, his arms outstretched, but Kanou had just looked even further away as he began humming to himself nervously. Yukimura's eyes lit up as he saw Misaki standing next to a very bewildered Usui.

"Kaichou! Tasukete. Onegai!" he had said, pleading with her as his eyes sparkled from the tears that had begun to flow freely. He had turned even redder as he came closer and closer to Usui. He had tried to forget the day it happened and felt fairly successful that he had buried it deep down into the recesses of his subconsciousness only to be re-emerge like a recurring nightmare, leaving a bad taste in his mouth.

Misaki turned her gaze to Yukimura, slowly, sluggishly, almost mechanically. He shrank back upon seeing her bloodshot eyes boring into his. Uncaring and unfeeling. "You said you were prepared to do **whatever it takes**, remember?" she had said in a jarringly monotonous voice. Yukimura's mouth slackened. He had no qualms or reservations with his willingness to help Usui but he didn't want to have to resort to this.

_"This is for kaichou and Usui. This is for kaichou and Usui. This is for kaichou and Usui…" _he thought, chanting to himself, seeking strength in the rhythm and the repetition like a mantra.

Usui remained stoic as he looked at Yukimura with questioningly bright green eyes. He was fairly amused, almost as though he was taking pleasure in seeing Yukimura squirm.

"Usui!" Misaki had said, her voice gruff from fatigue and overexertion. Usui's head snapped towards her as he smiled amiably, waiting for instructions. Yukimura's eyes sparkled with hope upon hearing the president speak.

"Lean forward." She had commanded without looking at either two.

Yukimura's eyes widened with shock. Usui did as he was told, expecting Yukimura to whisper something into his ear. With Usui caught off guard, Yukimura closed his eyes and stood on tip toe as he reached for Usui, his lips moist and pink and puckered.

Their lips touched…barely. It was as though a feather had grazed their mouths, light and translucent like a ghost. Usui recoiled back in shock as he looked down at Yukimura whose face was wet with tears and who was blushing crimson.

"Yyy-yo-you stole mm-mmy first k-kk-kiss." He had said as he ran his fingers along the thin, pink lines of his lips, his cheeks a beet red and his eyes glistening from the tears. "Aaand now you stole my second!" he had wailed as he ran out of the room upset and in tears leaving Kanou to chase after him.

Misaki looked at Usui trying to ascertain any change in his demeanor. Usui had his hands over his mouth; his eyes wide and glazed with astonishment. She saw his hands quiver slightly as she reached for his shoulder. "Are you okay?" she had asked. "Do you remember anything?"

"Tell me..." he had said haltingly, his hands still on his lips. "Yukimura is a…"

"guy?" Misaki had filled in after a long pause. "Yes, he is. Even if he looks otherwise."

"So, before the..accident…I was…a.. well, how do I put it? I was a…a homosexual?" he had asked tentatively.

Some of the council members in the room chuckled when they heard him say this. Misaki let a low hiss as she glared at them and only looked back into Usui's eyes once it became quiet again, "No, you weren't, and neither is Yukimura" she answered levelly, "I think" she added for good measure.

"Then why did he kiss me? What the hell was that supposed to be?" he had asked her, obviously annoyed as he wiped his mouth on his sleeve.

"It was what he said it was. You stole his first kiss. One day, you were in this room and he needed help carrying a few stacks of papers, you helped him and when he said thank you, you kissed him, just like that." She had answered, mentally crossing Plan #4 off her list.

"Why would I do that?" he had asked, completely baffled as he crossed his arms against his chest.

"How the hell should I know?" she had answered back hotly. Something in her snapped and she lost her temper. She had been trying so hard to be patient with him, but it was a trying day and she had no tolerance left in her. "You came into the room, you helped him, and then you kissed him! How the hell should I know why you do things like this? You're a weird perverted alien so don't ask me about what goes on in that sick, twisted mind of yours because I. DON'T. KNOW!" She had said hotly.

Usui's eyes like glaciers as he had gotten up to leave, "If you don't know anything, then why am I here?" he had said as he left the room.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 4:**

Cedric opened the door to the black 2012 BMW 7 series as Usui entered. Neither of them looked back to see the faint glow that outlined Misaki as she watched them leave, the dim illumination from the lamp posts smoldering orange as she watched them drive away.

Usui was not surprised to see Gerrard in the car, waiting for him.

"I'm glad to see you've been visiting old friends." He had said to Usui, his face an unreadable mask as the car flitted through traffic, dappling them in a camouflage of light and darkness.

There were no introductions needed between brothers.

"I wonder," Usui said aloud to no one in particular, "if there was something more between us. More than she lets on." He was looking out the window as they drove through the city. The colorful neon lights becoming long, unfurling streams of hazy patterns against the canvass of the night sky.

"That shouldn't matter at all, should it?"Gerrard had said from the darkness, a glass of whiskey in his hand. "After all, you don't have much time left." He added before he took a sip of his drink, the alcohol sweetly coating his tongue, mixing with the taste of his last cigarette.

"That's right" Usui had answered, still looking out the window.

"You have one more month." Gerrard had said, the tone of his voice becoming severe, needing the affirmation to fall from Usui's lips.

"I know." Usui replied quietly.

"I'm glad you've made up your mind."

"There wasn't much of a choice. Family is family" Usui said, looking at his brother, his green eyes cold in the dark. Gerrard couldn't help but smile.

"Good boy."

Cedric had parked the car across the building of Usui's apartment.

"Usui," Gerrard called out to his brother who was getting out of the car. "Maybe…" he said as he drained his glass before continuing, "Maybe the reason you can't remember is because they aren't worth remembering."

Usui nodded to show he had heard as he gently closed the door to the car before walking into the building.

"What do you think?" Gerrard asked Cedric as they drove away.

"I think we have him. He just needs a little push in the right direction."

"Then you know what to do." Gerrard said, his face barely visible in the shadows, the faint glow of the ashes from his cigarette, burning brightly as he took a long drag.

He had grown accustomed to the darkness of his apartment. He had come to enjoy the comforts that came with the dimly lit room, the cold walls and the feel of the floor against his bare feet.

It may have been sparse, nearly empty actually, but he found comfort in the fact that his life before had been uncomplicated. He felt the familiar chafing around his legs as he walked through the room. He didn't know how long he had shared his room with this animal but he didn't like it. He pushed it away with his legs irritably as he left out a bowl of milk, hoping it would leave him alone. He had no patience for animals.

"_So I was a lonely cat person. Possibly even homosexual_" he had thought to himself laughing.

He stood by the window, looking out at the skyline, becoming a slender silhouette against the large pane of glass. He enjoyed the view from his room. He liked the way the lights from the city emanated into his apartment, leaving everything haunted by shadows. A contrast between light and dark. That's how he felt most of these days.

Everything was either white or black. There would be times when he would remember a specific moment with utmost clarity. He would see through the details almost like he was right there, he would hear someone's voice, he would hear the word's clearly, his senses would be heightened, almost as though he was on drugs. Then suddenly, without warning, it would disappear, to be tucked back into his subconsciousness without a trace of it ever being there except for bits and pieces of specter, lingering in the periphery of his consciousness.

During the brief moments he remembered, he felt as though a veil had been lifted and he was seeing something for the first time with his eyes wide open and he didn't dare to look away, but moments such as these were rare, and passed quickly.

He felt like he was sleep-walking, or sleeping while he was awake. Things seemed dull and lackluster. He had to exert effort to appear normal to everyone else, when truth be told, the only thing he wanted to do was to fade away, to sleep. Yet even then, he couldn't escape his lucid dreams that seemed like an evil concoction of the past, the present and the perverse.

Nothing felt real anymore. He couldn't stand the shadow of a life he was living.

He didn't know what to do. A part of him was constantly trying to remember a past that evaded him, eluded him; trying to manage the build-up of frustration that came with the inability to recall anything significant; the other part of him desperately wanting to move forward and start over; eager to get everything over with and move on, forward and upward.

Usui looked at the palms of his hands as his forehead rested against the cold glass. There were days when he felt like he was in someone else's body. He felt like an intruder to himself.

The past few weeks had become a blur and he didn't even know where to begin. His thoughts had become a potpourri of sporadic incidents that sounded more and more incomprehensible every time it ran through his head. He didn't understand the purpose of any of the things Ayuzawa had put him through, and neither did he understand anything any one had said to him or done for him. It felt like a big joke.

This constant state of confusion was beginning to wear him off.

He walked slowly to the only piece of furniture in his living room. Gerrard had insisted on getting a bed for him, but for some reason, he hadn't wanted one. He lied down, his arms under his head as he stared at the ceiling. He slowly began to tune out. He had discovered that this was the best way, the **only** way he could manage without completely losing his sanity.

Every day, he had to endure being surrounded with people who regarded him as superior. It pissed him off that they were so pathetic. They admired him and wouldn't stop prattling about him almost as if he were some god, it was just so goddamn pathetic. Like worms, they had no backbone. They had no self-respect. The girls threw themselves at his feet it was becoming a pain. The only reason he had put up with them is because he wanted them to like him, he wanted them to accept him as a member of the student body; that, actually, had not been hard to accomplish.

It wasn't like he wasn't trying.

As a matter of fact, he had consulted a handful of specialists with regards to mind mapping and amnesia recovery, asking about the chances of him remembering anything. They had all said the same thing. They were all optimistic. They had told him to give it time. They were uncertain how long it would take given that the human brain is complex and varies from person to person. He had gone through several tests, from talking to a therapist to a modified form of Electro-Shock Therapy and nerve stimulation, but nothing had worked. In the end, he had decided to stop. It was going nowhere.

He had been trying. Really trying. It wasn't like he hadn't wanted to remember anything. He had been trying so hard, in the end, he had exhausted himself mentally.

He knew how much effort everyone had put into trying to help him. He didn't want to see their efforts go to waste. He had tried. Over and over and over again. He didn't want to let them down. He saw how they hid their disappointment every time he failed them. It wasn't like he was doing it on purpose. Hell, he didn't want this for himself; he wouldn't wish this on anyone. Who would want to live in a constant state of confusion, deprived of an identity?

"_Man," _he thought to himself "_things are just getting worse."_

More importantly, he could feel hear her heart breaking every day and he didn't know why.

"_And in the end" _he said as he closed his eyes, "_all I can come up with, is nothing."_


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 5:**

"Well, I heard it from Kanou-kun the other day. He said he's been seeing her go up there a lot these past few days." Yukimura told him.

"Who is she usually with?" he asked

"With? Well, let me see.." Yukimura said as he stopped shuffling papers, "Kanou-kun didn't say, exactly, if she was with anyone. I always assumed she went up there to see you." he finished as he turned back to sorting the slips from various suggestion boxes.

"I hope the president is alright." Yukimura said thoughtfully to himself as he carried a stack of papers out of the room as he watched Usui leave.

"With me eh?" Usui muttered to himself as he walked towards the entrance to the rooftop.

He walked up the steps uncertainly. It felt like deja-vu. Hell, it almost always felt like deja-vu these days but what was frustrating was that he couldn't place anything. It was like knowing you forgot something, and the thought lingers at the back of your mind, nagging to be acknowledged, screaming to be remembered.

His mind felt hazy, as he tried to recall static images that drifted in and out of the recesses of his mind, he had began to wonder whether anything had held any real relevance to him. Surely, had any of his memories been substantially important, he would have remembered them by now.

"_Maybe the reason you can't remember is because they weren't worth remembering._" Gerrard's words echoed in his head.

He sometimes hears them at night, the hissing of his memories; various sounds that create an incoherent string of gibberish that haunt him even in his dreams. There were days when he didn't know where reality began and where his dreams ended. It felt like everything that surrounded him reminded him of something, stirred something deep within him, and it bothered him.

He didn't like the feeling of not knowing and the constant confusion.

It was...bothersome.

Misaki kept telling herself she wouldn't space out. She kept telling herself things were going to be okay. Things were going to be the way they used to be. She told herself she had to pull it together. She wasn't doing enough. She had to push the boundaries. She had to try harder. She had to do more.

But what?! Nothing she did seemed to work and she was starting to feel hopeless.

"_2 months has passed since the accident and still, nothing. Not the faintest hint or trace of a resurfaced memory. Everyone had tried so hard. Yukimura, Kanou, Shintani, Sakura__and Shizuko, almost everyone in Seika High seemed eager to help, even the Sports Club. Even Satsuki-san, Aoi-chan and the girls from Maid Latte..and those 3 idiots._

_But as time passed... things had to go back to normal. Everyone had their own lives to live and it wasn't like any of them held themselves personally responsible for what happened. The ebbs of time had decided to creep back in slowly through the cracks of reality and before I knew it, we stopped the games and the charades and things had to go back to normal._

_At least for everyone else._

_Damnit Usui. My life was perfectly fine before I met you and yet..._

_I hadn't realized it was so...incomplete._

_Baka-Usui!" _She thought to herself, feeling the heat rise to her cheeks as her temper flared. Her hands beginning to ball into fists and her knuckles turned a stark white from the pressure.

The truth was that she was actually _worried_. Worried that with each passing day, whatever memories were left inside of him, whatever part of her that was left with him, would be forgotten.

She had seen the signs, she had seen them in the tiniest of things but she decided against doing anything about them...because there was nothing she could think of that was worth doing. Admittedly, she could have done more. She could have gone all out; she could have done so much more. She could have told him, told him everything, but she felt like she was holding herself back.

She wanted him to remember her, who she was to him, she wanted it so much that it hurt, but the voice at the back of her mind asked her if he even wanted to remember her. Everything had a price, and she wondered what her selfishness would cost her.

She had seen the way his eyes looked when they met hers, and how quickly he would look away as if he knew something was expected of him, something he couldn't meet, as if he was guilty. She felt the hesitation that filled the air whenever they were together and how uncomfortable he would get. She knew he felt pressured. She knew she was unconsciously pressuring him to remember. Something. Anything.

She didn't care what he remembered, as long as he remembered her.

Remembered them both.

Together.

She knew she shouldn't put him in that position, and she had tried to tell him but…

"Usui.." she had said as she saw him walk past her after class. She had been waiting to find the perfect opportunity the whole day, and she kept convincing herself it was not the right time, it was too late to back down now considering he was preparing to head home. She steeled herself for the moment.

"I... I... I don't want you to feel like..." she made the mistake of looking at his face and she saw the kindness in his eyes as a smile formed at the corners of his mouth. She felt herself being pulled into the pools of his eyes.

"Yes A-yu-za-wa kai-chou?" he had said in a sing-song voice.

She remembered making a total fool of herself by blushing even more.

"I don't want you to feel like you're pressured to remember everything all at once...I worry about you. I…" She had stopped because of the way he was looking at her. It was the dullness of his eyes that bothered her, and his smile. On the surface they looked perfectly fine but there was something wrong, because behind everything, there was nothing. She felt as though he was wearing a mask and the person he had become behind the mask was someone devoid of emotion. Insincere.

Cold, she had thought to herself afterwards. Almost calculated.

"Thank you for worrying about me, but please do not concern yourself over what I am going through. I guarantee you that I am perfectly fine and that I really don't mind losing my memory." he had told her, "It just gives me room to make more. So you really shouldn't be bothered by it...because I'm not." he finished as he picked up his bag and began walking away. "Take care..."

He had hesitated before he left. He didn't know why, but it was probably because he had noticed the moment of shock that spread across her face before she recovered her composure. He wasn't sure.

"Do you...want me to walk you home?" he had asked her uncertainly.

"Huh?! No.. Of course not. Please go right ahead. I still have some papers to sort and file. I have to get going now. Ja-ne!" she said flailing her arms in wild gesticulations as she hurriedly left the room, flustered and annoyed with herself.

Days passed and then weeks since he was last in the Student Council Office. She would walk the halls, pretending to look for signs of misdemeanor but secretly, she was just looking for him. She had seen him in his classroom and she froze. She stood there dumbstruck, not knowing what to do. He was sitting on one of the desks, surrounded by a group of people, eagerly talking to him and he was enjoying it. He was enjoying other people's company.

News travels fast along the grapevine and it wasn't long before people began talking about a different Usui.

"Haru-chan was his seatmate, and in Math class she said he smiled at her and helped her with a few of the equations."

"How do you think she's doing? It can't be easy watching him like that, with all those girls who…"

"Usui-sempai is so much cooler when you get to know him, did you know that he likes..."

She had learned that all this time, she had been lying to herself and she slowly learned how to tell the difference. She began to learn to look; to really look...even if she didn't like what she saw.

He was becoming just like every other guy and this disappointed her.

The way his laughter erupted in sporadic outbursts and how easily it was born from the smallest things amazed her. She saw him desperately trying to find a niche for himself in school joining one club after another, attending events and being overly friendly to everyone around him, and she couldn't help but think how the old Usui wouldn't have cared at all.

All he cared about, all that mattered to him...was her.

Igarashi Tora had dropped by Seika High a few weeks after Usui had come back to school from the hospital. Under no circumstances was she planning on allowing him to see Usui, she was determined to keep him away, but instead Usui had stood between her and Igarashi and had said:

"Please excuse us, Ayuzawa-san. Igarashi Tora is a family friend. It is my utmost pleasure to see him. I am honored that he has come all this way to visit me. Thank you for your concern, but I am actually flattered that someone like Igarashi Tora has made the effort to bridge the distance. My brother speaks very highly of him."

"It was your brother who told me about it." Igarashi had said smiling as he shook Usui's hand.

"My brother?" Usui had asked.

"He told me about the accident, and naturally, I was concerned. I apologize that it is only now I was able to visit. I had some pressing matters that needed to be attended to. You know how these things can get." Igarashi had said. "I understand that Gerrard has spoken to you of Miyabigaoka?" he had said, taking Usui by the shoulders and leading him in the opposite direction, looking back for the briefest of moments to give Misaki a thin, malicious smile.

She watched him casually flirt with other girls and in those moments she knew the distinctive feeling of a heart breaking, shattering into thousands of tiny pieces. She tried not to look and she tried not to listen to the rumors. She told herself, she shouldn't have been surprised, considering that he had always been a heartthrob and regularly received confessions from his many admirers, but she couldn't help but feel the acute, jagged pain of jealousy.

A brown box was nestled between her legs as her hands sifted through its contents. Shizuko and Sakura had finished what they had started a month ago and she had yet to find the right time to give it to him. She was waiting for the perfect moment, but it never felt like it was coming. She knew she had to give it sometime soon, but… it just never came up. Secretly, she knew she just wanted to hold onto him that much longer.

She would come up to the rooftop when she couldn't take it anymore because this was where he used to stay. She felt closer to him up in the open space, even if it was like he was already gone, buried deep inside someone else. Deep inside another person. Sometimes, she wondered if he was still there at all, waiting for her to save him.

"_because he's different now. Usui is not Usui anymore." _

The door to the rooftop suddenly swung open and Usui was greeted by the bright sunshine and cool spring breeze.

"Oy! You're not allowed to be here!" she said from the top of the roof deck.

He was startled to hear her voice and looked up. She was sitting on the ledge, the wind was blowing through her hair and the sun was on her back. She looked like she was glowing had it not been for the circles under her eyes and the layer of sadness that coated the honey of her eyes.

He sighed looking at her.

"Can I come up?" he asked, raising his hands to his forehead to shield his eyes from the glare of the sun.

"You don't have to ask me for permission. You can do what you want." she sniffed, looking away quite annoyed but equally flustered that he was there.

"I mean, is it allowed?" he persisted.

"Like you care about that." she said before thinking and blushed a shade of scarlet when she realized it. "I mean..." but before she could even finish her sentence, he was already up there with her.

He sat down next to her and she became edgy from the sheer closeness of his body next to hers.

They both looked at the horizon not knowing what to do to break the silence between them.

Usui felt the tension building as he let out a sigh. He didn't know what he was doing up here with her exactly. He just wanted to talk to her. The past few months, he had been evading her. He knew he owed her an explanation at least. Gerrard and Cedric were right. He didn't have much time left.

Usui sighed again as he tried to think of the words.

His gaze wandered to where Misaki was sitting and he looked at her thoughtful expression, her long brown hair dancing gracefully with the wind and her sun-kissed cheeks turning a faint pink. However, in his opinion, there was nothing remarkably extraordinary about her.

People said that her position had been difficult considering she was the first female student council president when Seika High had just turned co-ed. Along with the members of the student council, she had transformed the image of the school and made it holistically a better place as compared to what it was before. She had the respect of the entire student body despite the fact that most of the guys found her presence troublesome, they appreciate her efforts and were impressed by her tenacity and her fighting spirit.

People looked at her and saw her prowess, her ferocity. But whenever she was with him, he felt her walls come crashing down. He felt her vulnerability. She trusted him, and he **hated **that.

He saw her blush under his gaze and he found this amusing. He liked the way her cheeks colored up and how it quickly spread across her face over such a short period of time. He noticed that she only blushed when she was around him. When she was around the other boys, "demonic president" was an understatement. She was always gentler when she was around him, softer, awkward, and self-conscious. He noticed how his presence affected her, and he had tried to steer clear of her because of that.

Usui tried to come up with something coherent. He tried to give voice to his thoughts and to his feelings. He felt he owed her that much. The horizon was slowly turning into a beautiful strawberry daiquiri red when he had decided what he was going to tell her, he was going to be efficiently brief.

"Why are you here?" she had asked him, breaking his chain of thought. "_My heart. It's beating so loud. Please don't let him hear." _He was taken aback for a second but maintained his composure.

"I'm sorry." He began, because he felt they were the most sincere and the closest to the truth at the moment. He was pleased to see that this had surprised her, so he continued. "I'm sorry Ayuzawa-san, if I have been…aloof lately. It's not that I…"

"You used to come here often." She had said, interrupting him mid-sentence, her voice shaky. She knew where the discussion was headed and she didn't want to immerse herself in unfamiliar territory. She felt exposed, bare, vulnerable. She could feel the weight of his stare on her but she decided to keep talking. "I don't know why you'd come up here, but you liked being alone. You'd spend lunch here by yourself, looking down at everyone else."

He watched her in silence. He liked hearing her voice, for some reason unknown to him, he found it calmly reassuring. "_Could it be that there was more between us than I could possibly imagine?"_ he asked himself.

"You're keeping things from me!" he said. His voice terse, his eyes accusing.

"I hear them talking everywhere in school. About us." He had said, sounding like a sulking child. He didn't want to look at her. He felt like an idiot for bringing it up. That wasn't why he was here in the first place.

"You think I don't hear them too?" she had asked, bitter. "Their voices follow me leaving a trail of whispers wherever I go."

Usui's right hand had unconsciously balled into a fist while his left hand was left to support the weight of his head as his elbow rested on his knee. Misaki could see his eyebrows knit together as they formed a furrow of annoyance. She licked her lips in anxiety. She knew she owed him an explanation. She knew she had to meet him halfway.

"I know what I've been asking you to do these past few days may seem stupid and that I owe you explanations, it's just that I don't want you to feel obligated to do things because of the reasons behind them. I want you to remember. It's as simple as that. If you don't, then there will be no reason for you to feel compelled to do anything, or to feel anything and you can go on living your life the way you want to." She said.

"_I don't want you to feel responsible for what I feel, for me, when you don't even know who I am_." She added to herself.

Usui chose to remain silent, not trusting himself to say anything as he slowly filled with the pent-up rage of aggravation. "Why are you trying so hard Ayuzawa? What's in it for you?"

"I just have to try. It's the least I can do." She had said, barely audible against the sound of the wind blowing.

"You jumped down this building before." she said nostalgically as she drew a breath. She didn't want to have to explain herself to him. She allowed the silence to envelope them both like a blanket. Strangely, it felt like the calm before the storm for her. She looked at him, her cheeks beginning to color.

Usui turned slowly to look at her.

She held up something from the cardboard box on her lap. "And this," she said, holding up a picture, "is why you jumped down the building."

"A picture?" he had asked, surprised as he reached for it to get a closer look. It was a picture of him standing beside Misaki in Maid Latte.

"One of the promo games of Maid Latte was that for every time you visit and order, you get a sticker, once you've completed a set of stickers, you get to play a single round of speed against the maid of your choice. If you win against her, you get to choose between a free dish or the chance of having a commemorative photo taken with her. You're the only one who's ever beaten me at speed." She had said, smiling as she remembered. Misaki buried her face in her hands, a cascade of black hair spilling over her shoulders. She wanted him to know that this was when he had first kissed her, that this was when he first told her he liked her. That this was when he rattled the very core of her being. "The picture took to the wind and you jumped to get it. Good thing you landed in the pool." She said as she looked up at him. "_I want him to know."_

"For this picture?" Usui muttered as he examined it. "We must have been really close friends, for me to protect your secret to that extent."

"Close friends." Misaki had echoed. "I guess you could say that." Usui saw that she looked like she was about to break.

There she was, with her heart on her sleeve, and still he felt nothing for her. He was only sad that he couldn't love her.

"Here, this is for you." she said as she handed him the cardboard box that was on her lap. Misaki stood up hastily, "I have to go, it's getting late and I have work."

"I'm leaving." He had said abruptly, gazing at the darkening horizon, the sun slowly setting as the dark sky crept sluggishly to take its place.

Misaki froze.

Usui got up and patted his pants with one hand, the cardboard box in another. "I was given 2 more months here, in Seika High. I was supposed to transfer to Miyabigaoka as preparation for taking over the company, but I've decided to go back home instead."

"Home?"

"Yes. I can't stay here anymore. Everything here," he said, gesturing expansively, "reminds me of things I don't remember. It's tedious and bothersome. This school isn't good enough. Nothing here is good enough for me. I'm leaving in a week with my brother. He felt it was time for me to go back home to my relatives. They're all worried about me you know?"

"Why are you telling me this?" she had asked, shadows over her eyes.

"I just thought you should know I was going home and that I was finally going to be with my family. I don't think I'm coming back, so I thought you should know. I wanted to tell you before, I just didn't know how." He said as he slipped his hand into his pocket.

"Family? How much do you remember about your family?" Misaki had asked her voice cracking. Her shoulders were hunched and trembling with rage.

"Why?" he said, his voice rising slightly.

"You're leaving so you can live with people you don't know? With strangers you don't even like?!" she had asked, her voice quivering, her arms clenched against her sides. "_Baka-Usui!"_

"What are you..?"

She cut him off, her voice louder, unsteady. Her breathing coming in ragged huffs at the peak of her anger and her shock.

"You've become a coward. You're running away because you can't face your problems. Do you think you'll feel better about it, running towards a bunch of strangers you're so eager to call your family?

You said they thought you were an embarrassment. Because, because of what happened between your parents, after your mother died, they didn't want you there. Y-yo-you told me before that that's why you're here. They were keeping you a secret from everyone else.

Do you think they care about you? They've never wanted anything to do with you, and now they want you back with them. _Nande_? You're going to be used. You're just another pawn to them. Do you think you can be happy like that? Can you live with that? All your life, you've tried to escape, only to run back to them because you're afraid? You told me yourself …"

"That's enough Ayuzawa. You're crossing the line." He said coldly, his voice slicing through the cold air like a knife.

"That was then. This is now. Stop feeling so nostalgic for the past and move on. They're **my family**," he had said, making the emphasis, "my family," he repeated softly, "so regardless of the situation, I want to get closer to them, I want to get to know them. I want to be accepted.

"God, Ayuzawa! If you feel anything for me at all, then you should understand. If you love me, the way I think you do, then wouldn't you want me to be happy?" He said frostily.

Misaki didn't dare look at him. She had surprised even herself with the things she had said. She regretted bringing it up, but there was nothing she could do or say to take it back. She hadn't meant to lose her temper; it was just that he had caught her by surprise. He was leaving and he wasn't coming back. She felt the hot tears stream down her face. She was angry with herself.

Usui walked to where Misaki stood and faced her. He tilted her chin up so he could see her face, and so she could see his. She didn't pull away. She averted her eyes, her cheeks beet-red and the tears leaving long, winding trails down her face. Her hands had gone limp, and she felt faint. She just stood there like that, humiliated beyond redemption. She wanted to pull back and run away but she didn't even have the strength for it.

He gave her a long, hard look. His eyes indifferent, apathetic, heartless.

"Don't try to force your feelings on me. I don't feel that way about you." He said looking at her. She had tried to move away, but he only tightened his grip.

"_I'm sorry." _ She had tried to say, as the words flitted through her head, over and over and over again, yet unable to speak them. She had lost her voice, and the only thing that she could do, was sob violently as she allowed the pain of her emotions to rack the core of her being. She was afraid. She was afraid of him.

He had wanted to see her pain; it gave him even more reason to leave. He allowed the tears to trickle down his hands before he dropped her chin and handed her his handkerchief.

"Thank you for this." He said, holding up the cardboard box, shaking it gently. He didn't care that she wasn't looking at him. His eyes ran over her hunched shoulders, her quivering lips which she bit so as not to cry out loud, the ragged breaths as her chest heaved up and down like staccato notes running through a music sheet. He looked at her cheeks, red with shame, wet and glistening with tears. Her hands were clenched at her sides, stiff. He wanted to remember her that way.

"It's getting late. I apologize if I won't be available to walk you home." He jumped down the ledge and opened the door and made his way downstairs, "I didn't mean to hurt you." he said before he left, his words carried by the wind and the evening breeze.

Misaki fell to her knees as the door closed with a click.


End file.
